i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
