My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
