I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
