Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
