Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
