My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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