it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think people are normalizing furries
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