No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
