wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
