But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
