what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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