Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
