I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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