I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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