Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
