Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
