Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
