I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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