How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
too bad you live with your parents still
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
