Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
