I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
