I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
