Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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