why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
