Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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