Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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