i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
