Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
