I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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