I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
