dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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