But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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