I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the day after is always just damage control
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
