I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
