I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
