It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
