brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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