my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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