i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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