hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
