I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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