oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
