How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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