Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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