Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
