"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
