Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
