i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
