Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
