One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
