..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
