i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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