I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
