Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
